


but now i have faith in what i see

by littlelooneyluna



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Mistletoes, Reunions, Young Love resurfacing, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 15:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12987387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: it's been ten whole years, and robert would rather be anywhere else on christmas eve than in his old village pub. especially when an old flame walks in and everything resurfaces.





	but now i have faith in what i see

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy! X

 

 

He'd rather been anywhere else right now. You name it and he'd jump at the damn chance because being in this stuffy pub on Christmas Eve watching old people have a final go on the karaoke before closing time, it's fucking depressing.

He's not even supposed to be here, yeah he was coming home for Christmas but he was meant to fly in tomorrow morning and be back in time for Christmas dinner.

Vic's called it a happy accident.

Robert's calling it, 'not paying attention to what you're clicking and agreeing to at three in the morning.'

"Cheer up will ya." Vic's full of beans and Christmas cheer like always and Robert has to stop himself from asking when exactly she's going to grow out of it. "Don't tell me you don't feel a _little_ happy being back."

And no, he doesn't.

Because everywhere he looks, he's met with a million memories. Every surface in this pub has something attached to it, a smile, a punch thrown, a kiss.

It's utter madness and he can't believe how quickly it can all come back when you give yourself chance to think about it for too long.

It's been nearly ten flipping years since he left and _it_ ended and he was alone again and yet standing here now is almost like he's back _there_ again.

He's a disappointment and dad can't handle it anymore and he has to leave.

And he can't do anything about it.

"Not really, no." Robert says honestly. "I would have rather met you in Hotten and had a drink or two." He shrugs, knows that this snowball he's drinking isn't actually that bad but still.

Vic rolls her eyes and then she's shaking her head. "You're unbelievable." She says lightly and Robert's eyes flicker. There's always a softness about his sister that he doesn't deserve.

He's smiling to himself when he hears the door open and Chas' shrilly voice is making him wince.

But then he hears Aaron's and something drops in his stomach.

He's eighteen again and Aaron's this fucked up sixteen year old who hates himself yet likes kissing Robert.

His hands slips down from the cup he's holding and he has to try and keep himself as perfectly still as normal because in his mind he can totally pass as a statue if he tries hard enough.

Only Vic is Vic and she has to intervene. Because yeah, she knew, and everyone else did really. Not about how _deep_ it all got but - "Oh wow, look who it is." She teases and Aaron frowns at her before he's looking directly at Robert.

His eyes are wide, give away all his surprise and Robert is shocked by how readable he is now. When they were kids, Robert didn't know Aaron's mood from one moment to the next but _now_ it's so clear.

He feels out of place instantly in his long grey coat and suit because well, Aaron's not grown up on that front has he? He's still rocking a hoodie and a jumper and some jeans.

But he's got a beard now and fuck it makes him look older.

"Long time no see." Robert says, voice flat as Aaron shuffles a little.

"Yep." He says, and the room turns hollow.

"You could say that again." Chas says, all sneaky like she used to be and yeah, she knew he was coming.

Aaron clearly didn't. "You - what you doing -"

"Vic." He points at her and she smiles. "Badgered me about coming home for Christmas." He says.

"It was not _badgering_. Just gentle prodding." Vic demonstrates with her hands and Chas laughs in the background.

"Good to see you." She nods, a smile on her face and he's reminded of how much she actually didn't hate him. He nods at her and she winks before looking at her son and then getting distracted.

"You finally grew a beard then." Robert says and this is so fucking awkward but he tells himself it's better to plough through some small talk and then just fuck off.

Aaron still looks so surprised to see him and Robert can feel him search his face like he's soaking him in. "Uh yeah, it - yeah I did." He says, stilted, rushed at the same time.

Robert nods, hears the Christmas music play on and then excuses himself towards the toilets because it'd be great to breathe.

When he gets there, stands in front of the mirror, he sees Aaron staring back for the first time in years.

He sees Aaron standing behind him telling him that he's sorry for always pushing him away, that he hates himself, that Robert should find someone else.

And Robert is spinning around and catching his arms and saying he can't and that's the problem.

( "I don't want anyone else, I just want you." He said." )

And then Aaron would give this little nod and they'd spend hours in barns kissing the life out of each other over and over again.

Robert gulps hard, remembers them getting caught, remembers the way Aaron tried to deny it because he was _that_ scared about being gay.

He remembers Aaron being the first one who ripped his heart to shreds.

( "It's okay, if we stick together then it'll be okay." Because Robert had it all worked out, they'd weather the storm, wait it out until they weren't hated by Jack anymore.

"There is no 'us'." Aaron snapped, tears welling in his eyes and fists balled.

"What?" Robert blurred out. "Don't lie, don't do this. We were - we were passed this."

Because Aaron used to kiss him like Robert was giving him air, and then he'd shove him hard against a wall and tell him he didn't mean it.

"You think we'd be what? Boyfriends? Don't be ridiculous." He said, so heavy.

And it managed to sting everywhere.

"But I love you." The words fell out without care and for a second he thought Aaron would say it back but he didn't.

Instead he just started to fucking cry and he was running away. )  
  
To absolutely shreds.

For a second, Robert's that kid getting his heart stamped on again. He's that kid who cried and told himself that he didn't care.

He's that kid who went off the rails and was told to leave and never come back by his own dad.

The door opens and some random walks in and Robert feels embarrassed just standing there looking at himself in the mirror.

He's out before Aaron can invade his thoughts.

::

He's outside, sitting on one of the benches and biting down against the cold. He's wishing he got the keys from Vic now and settled into his room, made himself a coffee and watched the shitty Christmas films until it was late enough.

"Bit cold ain't it?" Robert's hearing, and when he looks up Aaron's standing there with a nervous look on his face.

"It's alright." He lies and Aaron is still just standing there until he's not, until he's even closer to Robert.

"How have you been?" And Robert just scoffs as he looks up at Aaron. "What?"

"We don't have to do this." Robert says, goes to stand but Aaron catches his arm and pulls him back a little.

"I'm just -"

"Don't." Robert says and Aaron looks so sad, so suddenly.

"I'm sorry." Aaron blurts out. "Ten years too late but I am." He says, starts playing with his hands like he is a ball of nerves. "I _never_ wanted to hurt you."

"You did." Robert says, kicks his foot into the sleet and sighs.

"I know that now." Aaron says heavily.

"Now you're what? Out and proud?" He says. "Bet Chas was nice and supportive." He bites and Aaron's eyes turn glassy. "Because _dad_ , he could never look at me the same way again and I risked that, for _you_ , for _us_."

He's shaking, years and years of anger inside him.

Aaron frowns, bites his lip. "And I hate myself for that." He says shakily. "I _hate_ myself for -"

Robert winces, and Aaron tries to move himself forward but Robert flinches away.

"You - you used to say, I'd never be able to break your heart." Aaron says after a few minutes, and Robert's got tears in his eyes that he's trying to wipe away.

"You gave it a damn good job though didn't you." Robert says, and for a second he wants to scream and shout and say how he has had this hollowness inside him for years because of how fucked up Aaron left him.

He doesn't though, he just excuses himself and then Aaron's making him turn around again.

"I was so scared." Aaron says, "Back then. What I felt, I shouldn't have, or at least that's what I thought." He's stumbling and Robert still has that feeling inside him, he still wants to catch him.

"I was scared too. But I had you." Robert shrugs. "Or, I thought I did." He says and Aaron comes towards him again. "Aaron, don't torture yourself over this. We were just stupid kids who were in over our heads." He's putting so much distance between them and it kills but he has to.

Aaron frowns. "Don't lie. Don't be me, don't pretend that we didn't fucking - _care_ about each other too much and -" Robert can't hear this, turns to leave and then Aaron's slamming him against the pub door and they're teenagers again.

"Sorry." He says, has a hand on Robert's chest.

"Remember when I chucked Vic's straighteners at ya." Robert blurts out and Aaron smiles. They'd been fighting like cat and dog because they were suckers for the chase, for the thrill of it all.

"Was that before or after I nearly threw you off that bridge?"

It makes them laugh, their breaths colliding in the cold air as they stand so close.

"I tried to find you, Jack wouldn't tell me where you went." Aaron says slowly, shakes his head. "I let you go."

Robert looks away, "It's okay."

" _Stop_ saying that!"

"What do you want me to say? You're my _ex_ and it's been ten years but I'm still in love with ya because you were my first fucking love and you'll always be in here." He presses against his chest and Aaron holds at his face.

"Something like that, yeah." Aaron says nervously. "Because I love you - I always have. And I'm not scared now. I'm not -"

Aaron loves him. Always has.

He looks up and there's mistletoe hanging from the door and Vic and Chas spring out of nowhere and catch them so close.

"Blimey." Chas says, "Didn't take you long then." She smirks and Aaron pulls away.

"Go on, give him a kiss then. He's been waiting for ten years." Vic says, points at Aaron and he's blushing.

"We _are_ under mistletoe." Robert says.

The stars twinkle and everything is so bright and light and Aaron kisses him without fear.

It's so soft, delicate as they remember how the other feels and everything becomes pulled into this gentleness which they cannot even think of trying to escape.

And Chas cheers and maybe Aaron's been as lost as he has, as hollow.

"I love you Aaron Dingle." He says as Vic and Chas disappear.

And Aaron's smile is so bright. "I love you too. Always have done." He whispers, reminds Robert _again_ , and they kiss again, and -

It's been fucking ten years, but this moment here, it makes all those Christmas' without Aaron seem worth it.

"You're sticking around." Aaron pulls at Robert's coat and Robert smiles. "None of this taking it slow bullshit. I -"

"We're different people now Aaron." Robert whispers, "There's no denying that."

Aaron nods slowly. "Still the same boy who fell off Andy's tractor, I promise." He whispers and then he's looking towards a small cottage at the end of the street. "I have a place. If - if you want to -"

Robert nods slowly, feels Aaron take his hand and something inside him turns to absolute jelly.

"Sort of want you to stay here, with me." Aaron says, once the door is shut and Robert is filled with this warmth. "If you - if you're not - I mean -"

It's so cosy, so filled with a lightness that Robert has been looking.

"Think I'll like it here." He says and Aaron's got this massive grin on his face, pulls Robert towards him. "I won't hurt you again, I promise." He's saying seriously, eyes flickering. "Fuck, this is surreal." He says, hands falling over Robert's face. "I didn't think I'd ever get the chance to -"

"Shut up and kiss me Aaron Dingle." Robert says playfully and Aaron fucking pounces and they're kids again, slamming each other into walls and racing up stairs and -

The clock strikes midnight and Aaron's on top of him, panting hard and then falling towards Robert's chest. "Merry Christmas then." He mumbles, fucking exhausted it seems.

And Robert's eyes flicker, feels Aaron, _Aaron_ , in his arms after all these years and he never expected this but -

"Yeah. It is." He knows, closes his eyes and sees a million more moments like this.

And -

(Aaron's in all of them, and so are the fairy lights which dance in the wind outside.)

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
